Influential

I worked as a mentor for a couple of months, and the experience was really rewarding. It's been a year since I stopped working as a mentor and transferred to a new school. However, I am still amazed whenever a former mentee will come up to me, whenever I visit my old school, and say "Thank you for teaching/influencing/motivating me" for the nth time. Maybe it is true that I have some good people skills, but I will not have those experiences if I did not have good mentors. I do not know about you yet, but me - I have many influential/inspirational people in my life. Depending on what aspect of life we are going to talk about, I might mention different name. I may not stay in contact with them, but they are always here in my heart; I am always thankful for the things they did.

In one of my summer classes, my professor required us to have reading reflections. Here is one of those reflections I had. Just take note that when I wrote this, I was so confused about pursuing counseling.

*Chapter 2: Self-Guided Explorations q.1: “Who are the characters and personages from history… who have been inspirational to you? How have they influenced your development?” (p. 54). Kottler, J.A., & Shepard, D.S., Introduction to counseling: Voices from the field. 6^th ed.

To be honest, I do not know who is the most inspirational to me now. Before, my 1^st college counselor Ms. L was my idol/model. She was the one who helped me set things straight. Because of her, I was able to make my parents change their mind and support me in taking Psychology. (They wanted me to take Nursing.) She taught me how to become assertive. In addition, I was also able to graduate in community college and transfer here in *insertmynewschoolhere* through her monitoring and academic plans she prepared. Lastly, she is the one who introduced me to mentoring which is one of the reasons why I wanted to become a counselor. However, right now, I am not sure if I still want to work in a school setting. Maybe I am tired of school because I started attending school at the age of 3, and I am only focused in school. I do not really have a life outside of the classroom. So yeah, I think that is the reason why I am considering other specializations. Anyway, no matter where and/or what I might end up, I will always remember the impact she made in my life.

Dang, I miss her. :/ I shall visit her soon.

I know this is not a very powerful or moving or thought provoking post, but I hope that you will stop and think for a while about the people who touches/d your life.

What about you; who is the most influential person/friend in your life; how did they influence you?

P.S. Thanks Cath and Mia for blog awards.

Dancing

I am not sure if I mentioned this to you already, but let me tell it to you again anyway. I am a frustrated dancer. It is not like the "I-like-dancing-but-it-doesn't-like-me" story. There is more than that. I can dance. I just wasn't able to explore it. I just cannot pin point why I didn't really pursue dancing. It's a sad thing for me, but on the other hand, I am still thankful for it because who knows what will happen to me if I did pursue it. I might end up having an eating disorder. Not good.

I love art in general. If you ask me about different artist or genre or dances or materials, I will not be able to give you an answer you might be looking for. I am not into details, and I need to work on that I know. Once my older sister asked me if I can draw, I said no and asked why. She said that people who have long fingers usually know how draw. Then, I told her that drawing is not really my thing, but I am into scrapbooking and coloring. Though art is therapuetic, I haven't really use it as a therapy. School is my therapy despite of the not-so-good experiences and the fact that it is one of my stressors.

There are so many things I take for granted. I want to learn how to swim. I read that it's a good therapy too. I miss hanging-out with my brother. (I just realized that it's better that we are having arguements here and there than not to talk or see each other at all). Cooking is fun too. I should take it seriously. (Credits to Cooking Mama 2.) I want to reconstruct my story. Later on, I want to see the not-so-good events as a signal that there is something good that will happen, so I should slow down and watch out.

I still have so many things to do; thus, I shall end this now.

What is your therapy?
What are the things or aspects of life you want to have or explore?

Babies

At age of 3, I was a "saling pusa" in kinder.
I was officially enrolled as a kinder in a new school at 4.
I skipped prep and started grade school early.
Accelerated from grade 9 to grade 12.
Graduated at 16.
At 20, almost done with college.
"Too young" is what I always hear whenever school is the topic.
It was a rough road.
Got stuck.
But blessed at the same time.

It amazes me to find out that almost everyday someone I know is/are expecting a baby or new parents already. Some of them are a little bit younger while some are a little bit older than me. Do not get me wrong. I have nothing against them. As a matter of fact, I admire them. They are so brave to do it - carry a baby and start a family, so let's give them applause. Aside from the feelings I mentioned above, I also feel weird about it. My primary photo in FS is me playing in the park, and on the other hand, they are posting something about parenthood.

At this point in my life, I still cannot see myself as a mother to be. Sometimes, I doubt that I can be a wife. Yes, I want to have a family, but not now. No, I am not afraid to grow and get old. I am not afraid of responsibilities. It is just that I can still see myself as the baby. I thank God that people around me still treat me one. It can be irritating, but most of the time, it's fun. It's way better than being forced to grow up and get old.

Up until now, I am thrilled with the plans of going to the park. I am excited to sweat out in the playground. I shop my clothes in the kid's section, not just because I do not have a size in ladies' because of my petite body, or they are cheaper and simpler, but because I feel that I still belong there too. Stuff toys are more of a toy, playmate and friend than a display in my bed. I ask my dad to pick me up in school, not because I am lazy to commute, but I missed that when I was forced to grow and get old. I do not mind sitting on the lap of my parents in the public. Of course the list goes on. Believe it or not, those are TRUE and just not plain imaginations.

There are so many things I missed while growing up. I rushed things because I have too. All of these happened because of those assessments that they gave me. Sure, it's nice to hear that "Oh, you're so smart" or "We're proud of our daughter because she's blah blah blah," but it would be nicer if I was able to enjoy childhood too. If only I can turn back time, I will say no to that test or acceleration.

Relax. Ohhh, btw, I'm not bitter or anything, just reflecting. :)

Did you enjoy your childhood? What do you miss about childhood?
Are there any assessment you had that changed your life in a 180 degrees? What is it? How do you feel about it?
Are you ready to have a family? If not, when do you plan to settle down?

Pangalan

So, what's in the name?

According to my professor, just by looking the names of people in a certain culture, you'll somewhat get an idea of how or what is their culture like. For example, in Russia, the people are given first names which their parents or just one of them like. Then, they are going to add the father's first name and make some modification by adding suffixes if needed, so it will go with the flow of the language. Lastly, the last name will be the father's last name. What kind of culture they have? Patriarchal. The list of examples go on.

But, how about the Filipino culture? Are we exempted to the rule or the statement? Am I missing something? Or our culture is just confusing? Or I am just confused about it? Before, I think of our culture as patriarchal, but in one of my classes last fall, a classmate described that our culture is matriarchal. Hmmm. Is it really a matriarchal? If the names can somewhat tell it, what will they say?

Let's take a typical arrangement of names in our culture. This name is truly fictional. No harm intended if this is your christened or legal name.

Leslie Jane Mendez Pilarca

What it composes of?

First name - Leslie Jane (or sometimes we identify the Jane as second [first] name)
Middle name/Mother's Maiden name - Mendez
Surname/ Last name/ Father's Last name - Pilarca

In my experience, I haven't heard that anyone say that the middle name/mother's maiden name as grandfather's last name. When I was young, it always explain to me that it is my mother's last name. Period. Why is that? What is our culture then? Is it just me or you notice the same thing?

For discussion/comment (if you want):

What do you think our names say about our culture?
Do you like your christened name? If not, will you change it to something else? What will be the new name?
Does it matter if the owner of the blogs you read use their real names or not? (We're not talking about posers here.) Why?

Model

I should be studying right now for my first mid-term exam for tomorrow, but here I am updating this blog because I cannot help it. Let me share to you one of my secrets.

I always wish to appear in magazine such as Candy. I really do, but I do not know how and if I can do it. So, as a "substitute," I said to myself that I will just create a blog that can win the teen blog awards sponsored by Candy. However, some things are stopping me from doing it. Unlike the previous nominees and contestants, I do not think that I have that awesome or funny or specific subject or inspirational posts. My layout is not that good too. Blah. Blah. Blah.

Summer classes are pretty intense. Thank God because I have a very wonderful professors. I also have good books to read. Remember I told you that I might make a 180 degree turn or something like that? I err am/was close into doing that, but now I am steady. Not moving. Red light! I need to think about it again. What's the new path if ever? Full-time family member. Not that there is such thing as a part-time mom or something but you know what I mean right? This can give me a major headache, for I come from the long line of career women, so yeah - hello criticisms! Well, who cares? I do not. I just want to be happy, so if that can make me happy, I will do it. However, I am not closing my doors to Counseling. I thinking of pursuing my master's there before getting married, so just in case, I can help my husband. Plus, I love Counseling. And to think about it, it is not good to waste talent that He has given right?

There are two books that keeping me sane right now. I really thank my Counseling professor for introducing those books. Introduction to Counseling: Voice from the Field, and Letters to a Young Therapist. The first book really help me to reflect the things in me and around me. Although I have not made any behavior changes, I am at least aware of them. I still have so much to talk about. To let out. To let go. The second one is like an instant friend to me. I am such a loner in school. (Maybe that is another reason why I am confused whether I will pursue something after BA because there is no support system.) It is hard for me to make friends. I may sound a well-rounded person or a smart or mature individual to some, but there is a but. I do not know if my views about myself is right or I am just being hard to myself. In my class earlier, we had a role-play. I was the client. My "counselor" told me that I am lonely. Hmmm. Maybe I am or not. Whatever it is, I need to re-think and heal.

Opps, I think that is TMI. So, now you know why I cannot join the contest, have "meaningless" random post, and keep my complete identity from you? Yes, there is more than privacy and safety on the net. Gah. Now, I just want to enjoy life. I am starting tonight here in this blog.

Anyway, I want to greet my YPD happy 42nd monthsary! More to come! I love you. Thank you for being there.

Bye!

P.S. Just out of curiousity...

Are you wounded?
How will you feel if someone you do not know entrusted you his/her secret?